Self-love is a concept that I thought I was perfectly aware of. I was actually convinced, I was pretty good at it: I love beautiful food, regularly buy myself flowers, take an occasional bath, have a glass of red wine or two, in other words: I was doing nice things for me. But then, last summer, I hit a new low in my self-esteem. I had hit rock bottom.
I’d started reading about self-worth and realised how little I value myself. Think about this: How often do you talk badly about yourself? Little things like: oh I’m so stupid, I forgot the keys. Or: No, I’m not smart enough to do this! It’s the little things I hadn’t noticed. Even the fact that I wasn’t even appreciating my own work. Whenever someone complemented me, I couldn’t accept it, basically rejected it, or tried to find a plausible explanation for it. Not long ago, someone told me I smelled nice, and instead of just saying a simple thank you, I replied saying it was my body lotion, and stretched out my arm for him to smell. I guess I was trying to prove a point that it wasn’t actually me who smelled good, but the product I had applied.
Earlier this year, I wrote my very first evaluation report by myself. It was not my personal choice, but this is how things turned out. Perhaps, I should mention that I had only started working for this firm half a year earlier and during the first three months, I was an intern and yes, that does make a hell of a difference. I wrote a 70 page report and both the project manager and my boss complemented my work. My reaction? Oh that was nothing, everyone else would have done the same. But seriously: would they really have done the same? Not to mention I was writing about a topic that I had absolutely no clue about. So it wasn’t until I had it in black on white in front of my eyes that I realised, I needed to change the way I treat myself. It’s not just about the flowers I buy for myself, but also about the way I talk about myself in front of other people and how I think about myself. So I’ve decided to take better care of myself.
But why is it that I always seem to be doing a better job at taking care of myself when I’m far away from home? Those past few days in Portugal have been so refreshing and I’ve finally found or should I say took some time just for myself. Even though I certainly wasn’t the only one who’d decided that Portugal was a nice place to hang out at, I was still able to do the things I love: brunch, sipping red wine overlooking the river delta, reading a book of my choice while sipping flat whites and the best thing about it? I didn’t even have to worry.
Coming to Portugal has once again showed me how important it is to continue this path that I’m currently taking and it’s really not as awful as one might think to spend time alone. After all, it’s you who you spend 24 hours a day with so why not take a trip by yourself? However, I’ve soon come to realise that for me, traveling solo isn’t much different from my daily life, except that I’m in a different place. I’ve basically been traveling the life journey on my own for the past 28 years. If this trip has proven me anything, it’s once again my ability to make friends easily and that I’m gonna be okay on my own, which does not mean, I never want to travel or hang out with anyone else anymore, hell no.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve learned to appreciate myself a lot more and have become increasingly aware of my own value and I feel that for many people out there, traveling solo is the best way to get to know themselves. If that’s the case, please do it, or find another way to really connect with yourself. I’ve been wondering why people fear being alone so much. We always concentrate on getting to know other people, but what if we got to know ourselves first? You might actually meet someone great that’s been there all along.